Some days I just want to recoil. I don’t want to be unconditionally present with anyone. I want expediency! I want compliance! I want control! There are days that I feel like I have grown. There are other days where I wonder if the sensation of motion is like you have when you reach for something without taking a step.

Is growing a matter of leaping past my known place? Is it swift and strategic, or is it as Rilke suggests, being something that I just live into? Synchronicity would be nice.