Relationship management is always a relevant topic, always evolving, and always an area of growth because of its impact. Human relations and communication competency are two primary areas for coaching and leadership development. And the hardest part, the real challenge, is to put other people first. In doing so, you show in your actions loyalty, commitment, and a desire to put people before profit; and that can mean personal profit as well as corporate profit!

I’m tired of reading or hearing about the boss, who looked out only for themselves, covered their own butt, bailed out and headed for early retirement in the Bahamas while leaving the company in a mess. Anyone can go into a company and drive up profits by relentlessly driving down his or her people. Soon though, the people will get tired and the equipment will break because neither has been cared for properly. (This same story can be related in a personal manner too.)

It takes a huge amount of commitment to time and the expenditure of energy when dealing with relationships. You can’t be like the sprinter in a marathon where you go for broke the first mile or two, and in doing so, have nothing left for the rest of the race. It takes conditioning, practice, and grace for the “missed it” times. You have to be disciplined and focused on the method…not just on the goal.

Listening well to spouses, children, extended family, friends and co-workers is one of the first building blocks of a strong relationship. When we talk, when we share, when we extend a part of ourselves in vulnerability, we want the listener to just be quiet, to suspend judgments, and to hold all opinions or words of advice. We just want to be heard, accepted, and unconditionally supported even if we don’t have understanding and support for what we are saying. In going the extra mile and listening well in our relationships, we show that we are giving our best efforts, we are building trust, and we are committing ourselves to the process. If you deeply listen to people, you can capture their hearts…and you can capture their trust. Listening well is the deepest compliment you can give someone, especially if you are listening to understand and not just interject your own ideas, opinions, or bit of wisdom.

What are some relationship, trust, and listening items that need to be on our leadership checklist that sound simple but seem to be so difficult to do?

Listen with your mouth closed until it is appropriate to speak; and don’t “shut down” after hearing the first couple of sentences from the communicator. Show respect for their thoughts and ideas.

Establish and keep eye contact; focus on them individually not generically. It might be a conversation you have heard hundreds of times before, but each person has a different perspective that is unique. Listening to others’ ideas can produce creativity not previously possible but for their shared insights.

Ask open-ended questions to elicit understanding and clarification; not validation for your own viewpoint. You will invoke increased motivation and desire from those you influence and lead if they feel like you care.

Don’t let your mind drift; we have the ability to listen to 500 words a minute, yet we speak at a much lower rate of 100 to 125 words per minute. Allow time for them to think through as they talk out their words. The best communicators are not the ones who speak the most…they speak less and listen more!

Show them you can be trusted and keep promises; don’t just say words. If I tell someone that I am available to meet with them, yet, when someone actually has a problem or something they wish to discuss with me, I avoid it by finding a convenient way to get out of the meeting…well, that’s breaking a promise and undermining my leadership impact. Every promise you break, no matter how small or inconsequential, will steadily chip away at your character. Each time you don’t honor a commitment you erode the bonds between you and the people you lead. Every time you avoid doing what’s right, you fuel the habit of doing wrong.

Summarize, paraphrase, and give examples when explaining ideas and concepts. Fear paralyzes when we aren’t sure of the risk or the level of courage we need to enact what is being asked of us.

Don’t hoard; share ideas, share feelings, and share power. Don’t demand, you may not always be right, and people get tired of dealing with those who can’t “give” back.

When you witness acts of courage, cheer and extend the hand of humanity. It’s better than retrieving the machete from the closet. 

Finally, today I have learned of a leader who is leaving a corporation and moving on to other opportunities; but with integrity, honor, and great execution of leadership. They have led with such character and commitment to what is right that they have the support of those employees that would do almost anything not to let that person down. They have modeled discipline, work ethic, trust, motivation, and loyalty so that it will be an ongoing expectation affecting the culture of that company. Faithful leadership executed relentlessly; in the midst of pain, the allure of pleasure, the encouragement to do acts that would make them belong, balancing the conditions that constitute fairness, and the most courageous execution; that of “doing what’s right”; not just the easy or the popular.