“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
Henry David Thoreau
“When an individual is no longer a true participant, when he no longer feels a sense of responsibility to his society, the content of democracy is emptied. When culture is degraded and vulgarity enthroned, when the social system does not build security but induces peril, inexorably the individual is impelled to pull away from a soulless society. This process produces alienation - perhaps the most pervasive and insidious development in contemporary society.”
- Dr. M.L. King
Apply these words to your context - home, organization, church, community. How is your citizenship reflective of you as a participant that is responsive to the finite with motivations that reflect the infinite/Infinite?
One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice - though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. ”Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its fingers at the very foundations - though their melancholy was terrible. It was late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice, which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do - determined to save the only life you could save.”
It’s the last one and a half miles of the eight mile walk and the sun is out and the heat is on! As I lean into the slight incline of the sidewalk, I notice the swing of arms, the stride of legs, and the bouncy swish of hair in a pony tail. Who is that I seem to be chasing but never quite can catch? You guessed …my shadow! I walk a little faster…it walks faster…my shadow always staying one step ahead. Is it mocking me? I stop…it stops. I turn around and “walla”!! No shadow!! But alas, it has not left me. It waits patiently behind me…waiting for me to move another step…and yes, it attends my person as it reminds me of what shadows can represent within our growth as leaders. I turn around to complete my last leg of the journey (no pun intended) and my shadow accompanies me home.
Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Every man casts a shadow; not his body only, but his imperfectly mingled spirit. This is his grief. Let him turn which way he will, it falls opposite to the sun; short at noon, long at eve. Did you never see it?” I saw it…clear as the sky that day. My shadow appeared, apparent on a surface that was concrete. However, what about the shadows that I try to “screen” in the attempt to protect or to shelter my fragile ego from harm? Or is it that I am really trying to conceal, to hide those things that I don’t want to put under the heading of “truth”? Ah, truths…why use my energy to look at that when white lies are so much easier to swallow? Because as the old adage says, “the truth will set you free”; truth erodes all rationalization and leaves the shadow standing and waiting to follow. Shadows should never lead leadership!
Hence, it’s best then that I acknowledge my “shadow”, just as Plutarch did when he said, “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better”. In addition, I would include “I don’t need a friend who conceals the truth, inhibits growth, and keeps me from becoming the very best I can be”! My need is for growth that stretches and creates a tension whereby my shadows are bound by awareness and truth. It is so easy to keep in obscurity shadow areas that inhibit becoming and living who we are…the best of who we are! And we believe that in shading those areas from our view (and from others) we can go through our daily lives and not let it “ghost” our leadership. Sounds like silly behavior as I look into the mirror of my own insecurities and fears.
My question then is…”has anyone seen Trudy?”…or have I revealed only a shadowed phantom as I have tried to construct a life of perfection? I have this idea that people will only fall in love with the real me if I leave behind my bumbling ineptness and my painful vulnerabilities. Do they see my “shadow” as I walk…or the pain that I try to avoid…or the sense of belonging I crave?
We have the strange idea that we are loved and accepted only for our superb strength, mystical powers, or far-reaching competencies. How self-righteous we are to try and turn ourselves into mini gods. I am, continually, surprised as I go through life that real, undying loyalty to “truth” as a leader can never be legislated or coerced. Faithful leadership comes from a courageous vulnerability.
I am tired of the “cloak of invisibility”; tired of observing the aloneness that constrains….the avoidance of activities that could engender opportunities to give instead of take…the human relationships we waste that could enrich life. We are so misguided if we believe that work is the be all and end all of life…even with the obsession of the glamour or rewards we think it brings. After work, whatever humanity we have hidden in our work returns again for reconciliation. We all have shadows that we must face and attend to in the light of truth.
My private kingdom isn’t perfect, and coming home to family and to the intimacy required is full of constraints of time and energy. However, I believe that we forget the privilege of marriage, of the person we wooed; we forget the responsibility of raising children, of the quality and quantity of time to interact and guide. We walk through the door of our homes, hindered by the shadow that hides behind the lies that to place our needs above others is the right thing because it makes us “feel” better. After all, we deserve to be happy too, right? Choices made today, tomorrow, and a week from now may not always be perfect on the scale of faithful leadership. However, my shadow will not lead; neither will it be the anchor to what I know is right and true!!
What about you and your shadow? Go take it for a walk…reflect on what you see…and then choose, light to illuminate or shade to cloak your fears. It will define who you are, how you live and lead…and that will be visible.
This has been a highly charged couple of weeks in both my personal and professional life. And the overriding challenge is how to ask the right questions in order to get to the right answers…and then ultimately, how can I have a sense of peace that comes from the spiritual life domain…that center that guides and defines who I am? And within that thought process I wrestle with the righteousness of thought and decision and the additional question of: did I provide courageous, spirit-respecting leadership to others?
The Chinese language character for crisis combines two other characters: one for opportunity and one for threat. This certainly reflects my experience that in every crisis, both possibilities are present. The challenge is to keep at bay the shadows, the fear-based constraint, that can hide truth and prevent my seeing the possible opportunities for growth in my life and my leadership. Most of the time, when I am not in a place of peace and well-being, my gut tightens up, my shoulders tense in tight knots, and the deep-set crease between my eyebrows is like a Sharpei’s wrinkle; not the most flattering appearance nor the most approachable from others’ viewpoint!
So when life brings another crisis head on…I have to consciously make room for the work that is ahead. I won’t get through it if I don’t make the correct choices that will bring that deep sense of peace that is unconditional…a peace that aligns my purpose and the satisfaction level of whatever I am doing at the moment. Therefore, I can’t always rely on having something, getting something, or being with someone. If I am driven by my fear or desire for those things that I don’t have, then I won’t or can’t make the room for the joys that I can choose to “tuck” into the areas of my life.
Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist, philosopher, and writer, wrote about his life in Nazi concentration camps, much of it spent doing hard manual labor.
“Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances, to choose one’s way…The way in which a man accepts his fate, all of the suffering it entails…gives him ample opportunity – even in the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life.”
Even in his daily terror of a Nazi concentration camp, Frankl found meaning by choosing how to view his circumstances. Shame on me that at times of crisis I haven’t always chosen joy that isn’t based on circumstances; albeit I was looking for perfection, others’ judgment, self-judgment, or righteousness. I get so busy doing that I can’t experience joy. Conditions take me out of the present.
So how do I change my view of those experiences? Getting out of my head and into my heart. I don’t need anything more than my own belief…my own knowledge…my own truth. And yes…that mirrored reflection of those that care about me unconditionally and can hold me accountable to my core convictions.
Hence, I know that somehow, in order to move forward in leadership within my life, I need to get the essentials done and discover a way to deal with anything that doesn’t get done or go my way! I need to stay anchored to my purpose and my core values and develop a list of questions to anchor me when life crisis moments begin to raise their ugly heads and my anxiety level escalates.
Mohandas K. Gandhi told us “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” We have to become what we want to attract. We have to exercise personal leadership where we are, when we are, and in what we are doing. Peace and joy will come as I let go of fear and desire and accept what is.
It has taken me some time in my life to understand that perfectionism, self-reliance, and control were not always positive qualities. They can keep me from risking and doing the best I can; everyday. It can keep me from priceless growth that hindsight that is revealed after we have emerged from crisis in our lives. Courage isn’t the absence of fear…it is the choice to face fear…and deny the loss of peace and joy in our lives!
I believe my choice through this current crisis, and any future crisis, is to face it with courage…with heart…knowing that my intentions will be to experience peace and joy.
May you all have a great weekend as I head to Chicago with my husband for an early anniversary celebration of 29 years! Incredible he has put up with me this long!
Warmly, Trudy
RSS Feed