“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”  

Henry David Thoreau

In seems appropriate that in the midst of so much constriction driven on by personal and collective fear that we open our eyes to break through our illusions and open up to deeper and ever present Truth.  If our attention is not dualistic as good or bad we could launch  into hundreds of possibilities and see the beauty that exists here and now.  David Whyte says it this way:  ”That day I saw beneath dark clouds the passing light over the water and I heard the voice of the world speak out, I knew then, as I had before, life is not passing memory of what has been nor the remaining pages in a great book waiting to be read.  It is the opening of eyes long closed.  It is the vision of far - off things seen for the silence they hold.  It is the heart after years of secret conversing speaking out loud in the clear air.  It is Moses in the desert fallen to his knees before the lit bush.  It is the man throwing away his shoes as if to enter heaven and finding himself astonished, opened at last, fallen in love with solid ground.”

In the darkness, the eye begins to see

It’s the end of October and it’s dark still at 7:42am! I am a morning person and I feel like I get my energy for the day with the solar power of the sun. I guess that’s why I dislike gray days and early mornings in late Fall and Winter. It just makes me want to curl up with a blanket and hibernate for those first few morning hours. Yet, the reality is, is that the morning is usually my most productive time…so here I am…sitting in front of my computer looking out a window that shows a beginning hint of the sunrise.  This day, it will result in a gorgeous 70 degrees and the possibilities are endless!

The week has surfaced questions concerning the realities of death, future job change, relocation, tightening of the economic belt, quality of lifestyle, contribution to community, and where will my journeying lead?  The questions are swirling around in my head and getting so muddled up that it is difficult to allow enough room for the compartmentalizing I like to do to keep my equilibrium.  And without that…the fear devours my attempts to have forward movement.  How do I proceed from here?

Someone recently reminded me that I am very singular in thought and action.  True.  It is hard for me to multi-task if I don’t feel free of distractions and hindrances that can literally shut me down.  Although I like spontaneity…I also crave routine…the familiar and the comfortable.  And I prefer to have all my ducks in a row, if you know what I mean, with the appropriate colors!  J  (Years ago there was a front yard I would pass that had adult and baby duck figures, but they were painted wrong! The adult was yellow and the ducklings were white! Now that just isn’t right!).

So why is it that we have to have our life in some order that constitutes security and personal satisfaction?  It’s like we fit our puzzle together and if we come up with a few missing pieces we are stymied as to how to complete the steps toward our preferred future.  Why is it that we can’t have faith in the process of discovery, of not knowing what the end of our story will be? We look for the answers to who, what, where, why, and how without contemplating giving spirit and voice to the “whatever”.  Whatever…whatever it is, whatever it takes, whatever it leads me to.  The “whatever” journey will bring me to intersections in life that is just right for me.  Therefore, my responsibility is to be in a mindset of discovery and openness so that I don’t bypass or worse case scenario, purposely ignore the opportunities before me.

Recently, I finished reading a book series where the potential existed to be able to read a character out of a story in a book or read a person from this life into the story of the book with the right voice.  Wow!  Now we are talking possibilities!!  I say to myself, “I would love to write my own story, or put myself into the story of my choice”, but don’t I have that ability now? Insofar as that book series is fiction, do I not have the limitlessness of possibilities of using my unique “voice” and by giving life to that voice through my intentions and actions everyday?  Am I not able to write my own story, with truth, with purpose, and with a spirit of giving who I am…that which the Creator has bestowed?

So what do I find to give, where do I use it, why is it important, who are the recipients, and how do I begin? I believe you begin small, giving something of yourself that fulfills a need; whether or not you have the belief that something within you has enough value for the “giving”.  And through that process you deal with the vulnerability issues such as, “am I giving the right thing”, “am I giving enough”, and “am I giving what’s good”?  Along with those questions come the selfish ones we don’t like to acknowledge to others, “do I have to give again” and “what’s in it for me”?

Well, you and I will never know until we put those puzzle pieces down and see if they fit…and if not, then where, and we don’t stop trying to find where our voice is to be given away.  We all possess the ability to grab life and live, we don’t need to feel like we are “settling for”; if need be, we can actually re-write our stories. By stepping into and taking ownership of the story of your life, you are the “pen to paper”.  Lead and give of yourself; put your arms around those people that constitute your micro- community; give to a community that you have the ability to impact.  That’s leadership…that’s living a life worthy…that’s taking possession of authoring your own story full of purpose and passion for “what’s good”!

You will give your life for something.  That’s a fact.  So go beyond what you think you do or don’t have as potential and just do something!  Contribute to something that goes beyond yourself, beyond all your questions, beyond all your insecurities, and leave a legacy.  Leave your voice whispering somewhere.

While writing, the sun has fully risen and the remaining leaves on the trees are awesome!  Maybe my giving begins by helping my neighbor rake their leaves over to join the meager amount I have in my yard.  Then I can jump in my pile, get my Harley out from under its cover, take off and “give” the residual leaves to my other neighbors!  Ha  No, I don’t think that qualifies under the giving category.  But I do know that I have something of worth today to give that can be as simple as the task of raking and bagging up leaves.  You have to begin somewhere, and today, that’s the plan!

That’s the question I’m contemplating today. What is “good”…and what constitutes “good”? Is there enough in it for me? Will I “feel” good? Will it “fire me up” and will it give me the kind of motivation and passion to move forward? Will I have my share of fun in the “good”? And lastly, where will “good” take me and will it lead me to places I want to go? (I certainly don’t want the look or the behaviors of a blowfish!)

If I have enough of the extrinsic motivators (recognition, money, things) then I can define those as rewards of “good”; with those ‘carrots’ dangling I can do all the “good” you expect or require of me. However, what about the intrinsic motivators of doing what is “good”? What about the awareness…the knowledge…the courage…the presence…the synergy…and the ethic of right leadership. When I am in the “good”, then I will have what I truly want…what I am truly looking for…what I may feel should be attainable? Is this right? What is the “good” factor within faithful leadership?

A paralleled conversation that comes up consistently is in the defining of happiness vs. joy. I may not always be happy when in the “good”. The “good” may be painful and not so much fun…it may even feel obligatory, but you know that others are watching…accessing…critiquing you at every turn. Sometimes that pressure can create enough energy that I feel like I am ready to blow! That constant measurement is too much accountability. However, history has shown that I can experience joy when in the “good”. Joy that comes from doing what is right…joy that the consequences will be ones that I can look at…own as mine…make a difference with…and live with them into eternity.

Wow…why can’t things just be like the popular cultural phrase, “it’s all good”? Because it’s not all good. You can find yourself momentarily happy because of the circumstances you believe are “good” and then be miserable forever for that experience…or you can experience joy because you were in the “good”…and that is a lot more palatable when you have to carry it around with you 24/7. Living within that kind of joy can illuminate our souls and inspire us toward greatness. It’s the joy expressed in right leadership that may be harder to do…but easier to live with.

Hence, the next question I ask is, “How do I recognize “good”, specific to me, and how do I sustain “good” in my life?” Now we are getting to the core…the core of truth, the core of epistemology, the core of love, and the core of ethic…the accountability factor…big time!! Now before I go on….I have to admit that I get tired at times when you fling that accountability word in my face. Why can’t I just ‘wing it’ and have fun…no harm done there, huh? Wrong.

Whenever we can ascertain what is “good” that we can enter into…that we can join…that we can become a “part of”…then we are using more than the good angel on the shoulder opposite of the guy in red on our other shoulder. You got it…we are using our micro-community. We are using the lens of affiliate relationships that can challenge as well as encourage. This community of ours won’t always be in agreement with us…they won’t always say how wonderful we are…they won’t accept the bad choices and behaviors that are less than what we can be. That’s why the micro-community is critical to our leadership…how we lead from the inside out and how “good” is going to be contextualized….because it will show up; sooner or later. How we live out our leadership is visible to all and will impact and influence those who are watching…for the positive or the negative. Therefore, who we choose as our micro-community is of extreme importance as they are the lens that we need in order to sustain what is deemed “good”.

So…where does that lead me today? What do I need to reflect on, become aware of, listen to, and design as my matrix of “good”? It begins with the questions of, ‘what is important’, ‘what do I do about it’, ‘who will help’, what is the plan’, ‘what needs to be developed’, and ‘how do I achieve sustainability of excellence…the “good” that will define who I am as a leader from the inside out.

What is “right”…”truthful”…”good” for you? Who can lead you to the mirror on the wall and steer you from self-deception? Who can love you enough to be truthful with a spirit of honesty that seeks to support rather than tear down? Who can walk beside you in a relationship of accountability that raises your game…ups your level of leadership…celebrates the joy of being in the “good” that defines the purpose and quality of your life?

Find those people…with all speed…with pugnacious intent…and with an openness of spirit. Find those people that will aid in your response to what is “good” for your life and will cheer you as you take the steps…the possible leaps of courage…whatever it takes to live the life of a faithful leader. Those relationships are the real rewards of a life lived as “good”. Remember, it’s always the people that matter in life…not the things.

This first task of a leader is to lead themselves. Dee Hock the former CEO of VISA and noted author of “The Chaordic Organization,” talks about the necessity of 360 degree leadership. He states that we lead up (meaning our supervisors), we lead out (meaning our peers), we lead down (meaning our direct reports), and we lead in (meaning ourselves). The distribution of time to each of these areas looks roughly like this: Up 20%, Out 15%, Down 15%, and In 50%. Dee Hock states that leading “up” is to clear the road for the work of our team while also keeping senior leadership informed. Leading “out” is about collaboration, synergy, and processes. Leading “down” is about equipping, teaching and coordinating. Leading “in” is about addressing those things about ourselves that need to be managed in order to be successful with the changing opportunities and challenges.

The question I see as paramount for all of us as leaders is: “Do we lead what we are or do we lead what we have, or by what we have?” The difficulty for the majority of us is that we have so little real understanding of what it means to be ourselves. The constraint isn’t that we lack knowledge of what we can do as much as we lack understanding of who we are. Said differently, we are more than just the tool making animal that thinks and has self-awareness. Our shared ignorance is not in that we lack knowledge, but that our knowledge is false. What we believe about ourselves is too often fragmented, distorted and merely a historical rendering of our experiences versus a description of a deeper essence. Here is the problem related to the acceptance of a false identity: we largely become what we think of ourselves.

In leading “in,” we are not looking around to see if whether or not “we’ve got it,” as if “it” is something that we can obtain, rather the question is: “Have we accepted an adequate model of ourselves that describes our humanity, our task, our endowment and choice? What is the critical point of this?…the adedequacy of our idea or model and its’ governing effect. Psychologist state that we don’t perceive the world directly, but through a lens. As we do the work of self perception, let us first determine if the interpretative lens we use is adequate and helps us see and know what is both permanent and transitorily true about ourselves.

For too many, the notion that they have of who they are is constructed. This is the first and greatest mistake. There is indeed a cause and effect in some fashion out of the experiences and events of our lives, but who we are in my idea is NOT something largely constructed, but rather given. . . and what is given is a statement of our intrinsic value, and that value is one of divine appointment. What is needed are images, encouragement and discipline to resist both the panic and the seductions of the spirit that come from a society that mainly knows about specialness and value in terms of what we achieve or possess.

How does this idea or model shape the choices we make as leaders whether addressing personal or professional matters? If we understand that we are more than our grades, more than our titles, more than what our parents or social network have said about us, or more than the latest performance eval, and gain clarity of the Imago Dei (Image of God) in ourselves, then our leadership becomes bounded, purposeful, strong, love based, and able.

Regularly, we will be with others who escape from the real because we fail to know the truth. Often, we will see others coping with a form that is familiar at the cost of a life liberated and expanding. This day, we will spend far too much of our time as leaders managing distortions - our own and others - more than proactively advancing as worthy leaders of great impact. Too cynical for you to accept? For me, it just speaks of how deep we are in the illusion.

Today I will listen to my sons wrestle with issues of identiy, adequacy, and intimacy. Today I will listen to my wife wonder if she has enough in her to accomplish what she sees as her dreams. Today I will attend a funeral of a young man who was an absolute delight as a human being but struggled to know that for himself. Today I will talk to a senior leader who has gained the ground of his professional life through his life long rage against being abandoned by his father. Today I will call my dad who struggles with Parkinson’s and too often asks “Is it worth it?” Today I will attend to my own intrapersonal conversations about “who I am,” and at times have to course correct because of my own fears and immaturity. Although it is true that each of us have limits of what we are ultimately capable of doing on our own, the foundation of identiy is far more formidable and complete than our typical tools of determination and critique.

The first task of a leader is to lead themselves. How are you doing with that task? Before you can contribute as a worthy leader of great impact with those above you, alongside you, and those still as emerging leaders, you must address your own ideas of yourself.